Jim Speaks Out!: 2014

The Russian word "Хрен", (hrean), means, literally, "horseradish". No more, no less. However they do use it in interesting ways.

On the one hand, if you go to a supermarket in Russia and ask for "Хрен", they will bring you, (or take you to), the bottles of sauce they carry, or maybe even a piece of the root itself.

On the other hand, when a Russian does something careless or stupid it is not uncommon to hear him exclaim "Хрен!!", roughly analogous to the American exclamation "Oh, S**t!!" (And, because horseradish is edible, I'm not going to push that analogy any further than I have. . .)

Another little factoid is that horseradish has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with horses, unless you happen to like dead horses, as horseradish is incredibly toxic to them.

As the Wikipedia article on horseradish says about it:

The word horseradish is attested in English from the 1590s. It combines the word horse (formerly used as an adjective meaning "strong, large, or coarse") and the word radish. Despite the name, this plant is poisonous to horses

Perhaps because I have a warped sense of taste, I happen to like horseradish. Like wasabi, it's Japanese cousin, it will make your taste-buds stand up and take notice if it's properly prepared. I also like to make my own, since I really don't like the watered-down infant formula that folks call "horseradish" these days.

Because it is easier to find around the Passover and Easter holidays; this is when I usually grab some of the raw root, get out the grinder and some mayonnaise, and proceed to drive my wife out of the house.


An illustration of horseradish root, taken from the Wikipedia article on horseradish

And since I am a sick, twisted little man, this is what I do with it:

I take a piece of the raw root about three or four inches long, peel it, and dice it into about quarter-inch cubes.
I place it into a relatively small food processor, (so that it blends well), and add a few tablespoons of mayonnaise, about a teaspoon of white vinegar, a bit of salt and pepper, and proceed to liquify until it is reduced to a smooth paste.

Be careful not to get any of the horseradish root juice in your eyes, up your nose, or on any other sensitive areas.

Take a small amount on the tail of a spoon, taste it, and add either more horseradish or mayonnaise to taste.
Once you have it adjusted to your taste, (IMHO, if you don't break a sweat, it's not strong enough!), bottle it in tightly sealed containers, refrigerate, and use promptly; otherwise it will oxidize, become dark, and begin to really taste like "Хрен"!